My experiences with therapy and coaching
The experiences of Jas, a human being, and not a qualified therapist or psychological clinician.
Over the weekend, I caught up with a couple of friends I’ve not seen in a long time. We always have interesting discussions when we get together, and one of the things we talked about this time — in between catching up on all sorts of things — was the value of inner work and therapy.
One friend, in particular, was talking in a way I hadn’t heard him talk before, with awareness of himself and his emotional patterns, and he had this real sense of calm about him.
It turns out he had been working with a psychotherapist weekly for several months now, and had unpicked a lot of things about himself and the emotional patterns that had developed in his life. He spoke of this weekly time he was taking for himself and the intention to work on himself, and to change.
I feel like this stuff is really important. Not least because I’ve been fortunate to experience various forms of therapy and coaching, both 1:1 as well as in group settings.
It has been my experience that working with the right person, and with intention and openness going into the sessions, can be highly rewarding, enlightening and transformative.
Therapy vs coaching
Whilst the terms “therapy” and “coaching” do have some overlap, I feel that the former is more about bringing delving into and making sense of the past (and how certain things have contributed to patterns playing out and what you are experiencing in the present), and thus scratching beneath the surface and excavating the root cause(s) of mental health issues that may have appeared.
Whereas coaching is more about a focus on here here-and-now with a glance towards the future. Those are generalisations, though, and not hard-and-fast “rules” as such. I do know some folks who call themselves ‘coaches’, but may have clinical experience and worked as a therapist once upon a time. Do be mindful of engaging with deeper, emotional or trauma-based work with a coach, however; a psychotherapist would generally be far better equipped to manage this sort of work, and help you in a healthy and fruitful way.
Choosing a coach or therapist
My last coach was what I would call a person-centred life and business coach focused and gently action-orientated, and just what I needed when I was stepping into new territory for my online business (as I stepping into making money from my blog business), and putting tangible steps in place (including self-care) as I moved forward.
In fact, her website reads:
“I help creative and ambitious people tap the potential of their personality type to live a more purposeful and meaningful life.”
And I would say this sums up her — and her coaching practice — very well. I very much enjoyed my experience working with her.
My last therapist was also person-centred and creative in her approaches (she had a sandbox in her cosy living room where we would sit for our therapy sessions), and we went deeper into things from my past with a focus on my emotional experiences, alongside some group therapy I was doing at the time.
(PS. especially when it comes to therapists, ‘person-centred’ is just one of the terms used to describe someone’s preferred methodologies; others include ‘holistic’, ‘gestalt’, ‘cognitive’, ‘gestalt’ and so on).
As a general rule, it seems to be much easier to get a “flavour” for a coach online than it is for a therapist. In both instances, wherever it is you’re looking to start with your inner work*, I would suggest trying one or two on for size, and choosing someone you feel you can be open and honest and comfortable with. In my experience, often after the first session — and certainly after two hour-long sessions — I know whether this is the person I want to work with. I would say that, for everyone, after 3 sessions you’ll be in a place where you know whether that person you’ve now worked with is the person for you; you won’t tend to find sessions shorter than 45 minutes, so 3 hours would represent at least 2 hours spent with this person.
If in doubt, listen to your gut. Though also be mindful that, as you start to engage with work, uncomfortable feelings might come up and you may well try your best to avoid/ignore them(!); to gently open Pandora’s box and experience everything that is going on holds such deep value.
A little note: this may take a little time, as “trust” doesn’t happen for any of us overnight; but, if you think you can work towards being increasingly open and honest with this person, that’s a good sign.
*I do believe that both therapy and coaching are an invitation for us to reflect and — therefore — do “inner work” by their very nature.
The most important things
To finish, perhaps the most important things of all are:
1) Finding the “right” person
Evidence shows that the number 1 factor in determining the best “outcomes” for therapy and coaching work is the relationship/connection between the two people involved. I see the therapist/coach as the person who holds the space, but the work is directed by you and the work you want to do, which may well change as the process unfolds (this is where openness and curiosity are helpful!).
2) The willingness and intention…
to carve out the time for yourself to explore patterns (mostly therapy), figure out who you are and what you want (mostly coaching), and keep yourself gently accountable to those things (both therapy and coaching).
Whilst there is no replacement for in-person work, I have been amazed at the depth of the work — including emotional — that has been possible over video. And so my suggestion would be, if you can find someone in-person to work with (especially for therapy), that’s wonderful, but remote/video work can work wonders for you (the business coach I mentioned earlier worked with me from the West Coast of the US, overall several weeks and completely over video).
In other words, don’t let the lack of in-person options in your physical, geographical area stop you from stepping into the benefits of the inner work and support you are seeking.
from,
Jasraj